I’ll take it! Especially after a week of no running and eating not so great… :/ Maybe it’s my body telling me I have lots of extra calories to burn, but I haven’t run this far since high school! 6 miles… :) 

I went to the gym this morning and walked 5 miles on a 15 incline at 4.0. The treadmill SAID I burnt 1000 calories. I put it into myfitnesspal but I just don’t know how accurate that is! But tonight I pushed past 3 miles and went 4! So according to all that, I burnt 1400 or so calories today. I only ate a little over 900 today so far, so now, I’m eating, eating, eating! Right now, a piece of baked chicken and a berry smoothie with skim milk. It’s gonna be a long night of studying, so I think I’m gonna work on a study guide for nursing management, pop in a movie (I’m thinking Maid of Honor :] ) and eventually make a cheese quesadilla. By then, I’ll be at 1750 calories and 94 grams of protein. Beast!! 

Not that I’m on a “diet” or anything, but obviously I’m working out and trying to eat healthy and what not. But I think to up the ante a little bit, I’m gonna start cutting out alcohol, except for very special occasions every once in a while, maybe only drink 1-2 x per month, if that.. and after 4 pm… no carbs. I mean, obviously I’ll consume carbs in some form, like through fruits/veggies, but no carby carbs like pasta, bread, cereal, crackers, etc.. I’m gonna try to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day (maybe more depending on how much cardio I do). I was thinking of making my dinners consist of a salad with some form of protein, most likely chicken, fish, or beef and do different things with them by seasoning. I’ll bring granola bars with me to work/clinical and have one mid-afternoon, then I might have a snack at night too or another salad with protein. We’ll see how this goes.. I’ll keep you updated! Also, I think for the rest of the month, I am going to focus hard on cardio, then start lifting again and cutting out my walking in June. I’ll still run 3 miles at least 5 days a week, but add in lifting on 3 of those days, maybe walk on days I don’t lift. I’m ready to see results! 

I ran 3 9 minute miles, walked 36 minutes on the highest incline at 4.0, and lifted back, biceps, and then finished with a little bit of abs. It was a killer day! I’m getting back into lifting and I LOVE it. I have missed it, makes going to the gym much more enjoyable! But now my whole body is going to hate me, I’m still pretty sore from yesterday’s chest and tri workout. Eek! :) I also am thinking about joining my roommate on another 2-3 mile run.. Gonna be a rough one, but hey, how can I turn down extra cardio? But first, gotta get through some Pediatric ICU readings. 

BOOM. I think I weighed in at 139.4 or something last week. Didn’t weigh myself until today, because yesterday I had a final and didn’t want whatever my weight was to affect how I did on my final. So I did it today.. and I wasn’t expecting a lot. I’ve worked out SOME, but not nearly enough to lose much weight. Plus, I haven’t been watching super close what I’ve been eating. I’ve kept it around 1200-1500 calories a day, but still.. I weigh in at 137.0 pounds! Woo! 

I’m sorry to put everyone through this, but I just need to rant. With my insulin pump, I’ve been able to  live a fairly normal life.. I usually almost forget I even have diabetes until I have to push a button for insulin or check my blood sugar. Lately, I’ve been battling crazy blood sugars. I don’t know how much this means to any of you, but I upload my insulin pump into the computer weekly so my doctor can see my blood sugars and how much insulin (the hormone that LOWERS blood sugars) I’m giving myself with meals and to correct blood sugars. I guess that’s a good backround..

I’m a nursing student, taking 3-4 hour long classes at a time, doing 8-12 hour clinical shifts, and working 8-12 hour shifts on my hospital unit. I’m also trying my hardest to work out and lose weight. Lately, my blood sugars have been dropping a ton with class, during work, and when I work out. I’ve lowered my insulin levels during my workouts so I can get through them, but after I workout, for hours, the exercise has a lowering effect on my blood sugar, causing me to consume more sugar to raise it to a normal level, then eat a snack to keep it from dropping again. Basically when I work out, I eat back all the calories I burnt off because my blood sugars are lower for a day after I run or exercise. It’s frustrating because I feel like, why even work out if I’m just going to have to eat back everything and more that I burnt off at the gym? With class, I can deal with it, because it’s only a few hours, and I am not too bummed about having to eat a granola bar through it to get me through the day, although I’d rather only eat when I want to, not when my diabetes wants me to. Thirdly, with work. Ok, I did a 12 hour shift on Friday. My blood sugar was low at 10, so I ate glucose tabs (sugar to raise my blood sugar up), then a Kashi granola bar.. healthy enough.. Then at lunch, my blood sugar was low again, so I ate lunch and grabbed a candy bar (it was a bad day at work, and my sugar was low again, so I treated myself to M & Ms). 3-4ish, AGAIN my blood sugar was low.. ate more glucose tabs, another granola bar. 6pm, again (and by this point, I had a splitting headache from it being so low all day). I ate PB crackers. At this point, I’m not even counting calories, because I’m sure I ate all my day’s worth and I hadn’t even eaten dinner yet. I was starving. Basically my point with work is.. I always overeat because I have to. 

I’m just so upset and frustrated. I am sitting at a solid 140 pounds. I eat SO healthy. I RARELY eat out.. last Thursday was the first time in probably a month. I work out, and hard. Yet I can’t seem to lose, and lately it’s because of my diabetes. My doc is trying to set my insulin settings on my pump, but with my crazy lifestyle lately, it’s difficult, because when I’m doing all these things, my blood sugars run low, but if I happen to not work out or go to work, they go high. I’m sorry, if I’m gonna weigh 140 pounds, I at least want to enjoy it. I wanna eat out or eat more or not work out as hard, because in my mind.. I should weigh 130 at least. One of my friends never works out, eats out every other day and weighs 10 pounds more than me… that’s it! I should be losing weight.. I count calories and don’t even have junk food in my apartment. I eat nothing but healthy foods, yet with my diabetes, I can’t lose anything. I only gain. It’s so.. defeating.

If you’ve actually read through all of this, I apologize for putting you through it.. I just needed to rant, to talk about it, because lately I’ve been really upset/sad about it. I’ve worked hard and have gotten nowhere because of my diabetes.. I just needed to talk. 

Ok, so last night I went to bed and probably fell asleep somewhere around 11:30. I had OB clinicals today and had to get up at 5 am. For all my nursing student followers, you guys KNOW that is not enough sleep to function all day for clinicals. Luckily, we got out early and I ate lunch, then decided against making coffee and took a nap. I ended up getting up at 4:30 after sleeping 2.5 hours and I was still disoriented and tired. I sat around and did absolutely nothing until 6. I thought about pulling out my med/surg notes and looking them over, since we learnt about COPD and asthma a week ago and I hadn’t even cracked them open yet and class is tomorrow. BUT I started to feel like I was having a “fat day.” I really wanted to be lazy and not go to the gym, but those negative thoughts about myself kicked my butt into gear and I got dressed and left. I didn’t lift, but you better believe I ran 3 miles and walked 30 min. I know if I’m feeling huge one day, that a good workout is all I need to build self esteem and feel better about myself. I dunno.. could be the endorphines but I’m glad I did it. 

Even though I have to be up at 5:45 am, and work until 3:30 pm, then have a LONG night of studying ahead of me… I’m going to take at least a half hour and run 3 miles. I need that. A half hour, not bad, if I need to, I can always stay up a little later to study— it’s the weekend! That’s the beauty of it. So if I can’t make it for a full blown workout, I’ll just run. Saturday and Sunday I think I can take a few hours out of my day to study, but not tomorrow. So that’s what I’ll do.. I’ll run.

Actually, I’m eager to see my weight and what my workouts and eating this week has done to it. I didn’t eat bad at all this week! The most damage I’ve done is last night when I made my roommates this Reese’s no bake brownie bar thing. I had 2 little squares, but I didn’t really go over my calories for the day, I’m pretty sure I was fairly close to maintenance. I took 2 days off from the gym this week, due to work and the fact that my body needed the break the day before work. But of course, I was back at the gym today, hitting it hard. Lifting, walking, and running 3 miles (in 26:45!). It’s gonna be a goooood month. :)

I can feel that my body needs a day off of exercise. It has to be today. I felt it yesterday but I did my workout anyway. I only got one mile, but I walked an hour uphill and fast. I did 2 ab moves. I know if I go to the gym today my workout will be even worse. But why does it have to happen today? I can’t go tomorrow because I’m working then grocery shopping then going out with my roommates. I won’t have time to work out at all. I wish I could just make my day off then.. but I know I can’t. My body wont tolerate that. So looks like 2 days off of the gym for me. Boo.