For the lack of posting and what not.. I had a craaaazy semester last semester and now I’m taking a full 12 hours this summer to finish up my nursing degree in August! Update: I weighed in last Monday or something and I weigh 134.2. I was surprised because I haven’t even worked out in the past month and only worked out sporadically during the semester before that. But this week, I’m hitting cardio HARD and I might do that next week too, before picking back up with the weights. We’ll see! I’ll definitely still run most days, but I’ll take out the added walking I do, OR only walk half of that. I’ve burnt many calories this week at the gym, but have drank a lot of them back, so I think I’m gonna start cutting out alcohol to see how great of results I can achieve! Anyways, I’m heading home today, but first… gotta get dat cardio! 

That means that since the last time I weighed in.. before Thanksgiving… I lost .4 pounds! Dunno what I gained at home for Thanksgiving, but I definitely didn’t restrict myself. Haha, so I’m counting last week as a success? This week will be too. I know, I cheated and weighed in early, but I needed some motivation to go to the gym today, and I’d say that about did it! :)

An apple and a few teddy Graham’s with pb. I let myself because I killed it at the gym today and if I’m hungry… I’m gonna eat! I didn’t overdo it, just a little snack.

Another thing… I’ve decided not to weigh myself until the 11th. Here’s why: I would have this week but I just got back from thanksgiving break and eating OK but not the best, AND it’s shark week. I didn’t wanna get discouraged. This weekend I’m celebrating my friends 21st bday all weekend and I will kick my ass At the gym everyday this week and even on Friday, but my Fridays workout will be negated by eating out and alcohol.. I might eat dinner before going down and limit my drinks. Saturday will be an all cheat day though, I already know itll be bad news. So can’t weigh myself after that! I usually weigh in on Mondays, but I have a final on the 12th so I’ll just weigh the day before.. If I weighed on test day, it might put me in a sad mood and I’ll mess my exam up.

On a final note… I’ve been appreciating my body a little more, starting to like what I’m seeing and that’s the ultimate motivation :) PLUS I’m starting to outsmart my low blood sugars! Losing weight plan is back in action :)

I’m sorry to put everyone through this, but I just need to rant. With my insulin pump, I’ve been able to  live a fairly normal life.. I usually almost forget I even have diabetes until I have to push a button for insulin or check my blood sugar. Lately, I’ve been battling crazy blood sugars. I don’t know how much this means to any of you, but I upload my insulin pump into the computer weekly so my doctor can see my blood sugars and how much insulin (the hormone that LOWERS blood sugars) I’m giving myself with meals and to correct blood sugars. I guess that’s a good backround..

I’m a nursing student, taking 3-4 hour long classes at a time, doing 8-12 hour clinical shifts, and working 8-12 hour shifts on my hospital unit. I’m also trying my hardest to work out and lose weight. Lately, my blood sugars have been dropping a ton with class, during work, and when I work out. I’ve lowered my insulin levels during my workouts so I can get through them, but after I workout, for hours, the exercise has a lowering effect on my blood sugar, causing me to consume more sugar to raise it to a normal level, then eat a snack to keep it from dropping again. Basically when I work out, I eat back all the calories I burnt off because my blood sugars are lower for a day after I run or exercise. It’s frustrating because I feel like, why even work out if I’m just going to have to eat back everything and more that I burnt off at the gym? With class, I can deal with it, because it’s only a few hours, and I am not too bummed about having to eat a granola bar through it to get me through the day, although I’d rather only eat when I want to, not when my diabetes wants me to. Thirdly, with work. Ok, I did a 12 hour shift on Friday. My blood sugar was low at 10, so I ate glucose tabs (sugar to raise my blood sugar up), then a Kashi granola bar.. healthy enough.. Then at lunch, my blood sugar was low again, so I ate lunch and grabbed a candy bar (it was a bad day at work, and my sugar was low again, so I treated myself to M & Ms). 3-4ish, AGAIN my blood sugar was low.. ate more glucose tabs, another granola bar. 6pm, again (and by this point, I had a splitting headache from it being so low all day). I ate PB crackers. At this point, I’m not even counting calories, because I’m sure I ate all my day’s worth and I hadn’t even eaten dinner yet. I was starving. Basically my point with work is.. I always overeat because I have to. 

I’m just so upset and frustrated. I am sitting at a solid 140 pounds. I eat SO healthy. I RARELY eat out.. last Thursday was the first time in probably a month. I work out, and hard. Yet I can’t seem to lose, and lately it’s because of my diabetes. My doc is trying to set my insulin settings on my pump, but with my crazy lifestyle lately, it’s difficult, because when I’m doing all these things, my blood sugars run low, but if I happen to not work out or go to work, they go high. I’m sorry, if I’m gonna weigh 140 pounds, I at least want to enjoy it. I wanna eat out or eat more or not work out as hard, because in my mind.. I should weigh 130 at least. One of my friends never works out, eats out every other day and weighs 10 pounds more than me… that’s it! I should be losing weight.. I count calories and don’t even have junk food in my apartment. I eat nothing but healthy foods, yet with my diabetes, I can’t lose anything. I only gain. It’s so.. defeating.

If you’ve actually read through all of this, I apologize for putting you through it.. I just needed to rant, to talk about it, because lately I’ve been really upset/sad about it. I’ve worked hard and have gotten nowhere because of my diabetes.. I just needed to talk. 

Well, after 5 days of going HARD at the gym and 4 days of going crazy with food and alcohol, I weigh in at 139.4 lbs. That’s a 1.3 lb loss from last Monday. I’m definitely ok with this, seeing as I was terrible this past weekend. Terrible… But yeah, this week I’m going to do the same thing at the gym and see where it gets me, but with only 1 cheat day and no alcohol at that! I’m gonna get where I wanna be, it’s just a matter of time. :)

That means that even after a completely crappy weekend and not working out much the past week, I still lost almost a pound.. I’ll take it. But you better believe this week is gonna be much more intense. Body, be ready for it.